We all wish we could make people change at times. Sometimes it’s our family or our partner – why can’t they be more supportive/loving etc? Sometimes it’s people we work with – why do they have to be so negative all the time? Why can’t they pull their weight etc.
Well unfortunately we can’t make other people change. What we can do is work on ourselves. We can change our attitude and the way we react and this can have a beneficial effect on our relationship with the other person.
So next time you find yourself wishing someone would change, try doing some tapping instead.
Examples:
Even though I wish Dan was more supportive and offered me more help, I’m ok
Even though Donna is always so negative and always puts people down, maybe she’s having a hard time at home
Even though Patrick never pulls his weight and always manages to worm his way out of doing his fair share, I accept my feelings about this
Tap on the fact that you really wish they would change & why. Tap on all the aspects of the issue, e.g. your frustration, anger, bitterness etc. Tap on specific events where they were doing the thing you wish they’d change. Keep going until you feel calm/neutral. You may have had some insights as to why they behave a certain way. Hopefully by now you will be feeling different towards them – at least more compassionately!
Remember we can only change ourselves. Tapping can always calm us down and help us with the way we react to people.
Clients often ask me this question. When is the best time to tap? How long should I tap for? Etc. My advise is always – when it feels right & for as long as it takes to clear the issue or the time you have available. It couldn’t be simpler! EFT is a very flexible tool. If an issue comes up you can tap on it straight away if it’s OK to do so. If not, make a mental note to tap on it at the first opportunity you have.
Last night I was watching a movie with my partner & we paused the film to get drinks etc. Just as we were about to start watching it again he asked if I could help him tap on something. It was an issue that had come up & he felt like he would like to tap on it right away. I was happy to oblige and we spent about 5 minutes working on it. We didn’t clear the issue completely but he did get some reduction in the feelings and some great insights. He also had some more ideas on how to work through the rest of the issue.
We then carried on watching our movie. What it meant was that he could relax during the rest of the movie and enjoy it rather than mulling over the issue. Happy days 🙂
I refer to listening to yourself. To what you need. To what your body needs.
Think back…when was the last time you really listened?
Taking time out to listen to what your body needs is important. We can stay much healthier and feel much better when we do listen.
Today I listened to my body and chose to go for a walk instead of a run. My body certainly knew it was the right choice. I also got to experience a feeling of calm, peace and tranquility. I really drank in all the colours of the leaves in the forest. I heard the birds, the wind and the water in the stream. It was a delight for my senses that I know I would have missed if I had been running. So maybe my body was telling me that was what I needed right then.
I felt deeply connected to mother nature on my walk. I’m glad I listened.
If you have trouble listening to yourself, here are tapping statements that you can try:
I find it hard to listen to my needs
I always put other people’s needs first
I don’t make the time to listen to myself
I feel selfish if I listen to my needs
I feel selfish if I do things just for me
I don’t deserve to listen to my needs
I’ve lost the art of listening to my needs
I’m always at the bottom of the pile
I feel guilty listening to my needs
Keep tapping on whatever comes up for you. Listening to your needs is important so be persistent 🙂
Keep tapping
Louise
louise@freeflowingenergy.co.uk
I had a great discussion with a client recently about the different therapies that they had tried. What is important to note is that not every therapy will work for you. Not even EFT which works on most people!
So how do you know what is right for you?
The Right Fit
First of all, do some research and find out what the therapy involves. If it sounds interesting and something that might help you then take the next step. Search for a local practitioner if it is a therapy that requires that or find one you are drawn to. Talk to the therapist and see if they feel a right fit for you. This is very important. The fit has to be right with both the therapy and the practitioner. It could be the best therapy for you but if you don’t like the therapist, it probably isn’t going to happen. If you are dreading going to see your therapist then you are probably not going to get a lot out of your session together!
There has been a lot written about the therapeutic relationship. Fundamentally we want to be listened to and understood. We want to feel like our therapist “gets us”. We don’t want to feel like they are judging us or criticising us. I would say that we want them to challenge us certainly, but in a caring way. You should feel supported and like you are working together as a team.
You can always set up an initial appointment and see what happens in the session together. If the fit feels good then you can arrange more sessions and if it doesn’t you can try someone else.
Remember that just because a therapist is right for your friend/partner or family member they may not be right for you.
So take some time to find a therapy that you are interested in trying and then find a therapist that feels like a good fit. When the therapist/client relationship is the right fit, wonderful things can happen.
Do you feel you are letting people down if you say no?
We can’t be superman or superwoman! We need to have boundaries. We need to look after ourselves. If we do too much and then get ill then we can’t help anyone.
So make looking after yourself a priority. Learn to say no. Enlist the help of others.
If any of that triggers something in you then it’s time to tap! Start by trying statements like:
Even though I always take on too much, I’m open to the possibility of changing my ways
Even though I feel like I can’t say no, I’m open to learning how to set boundaries
Even though I want to help everybody and make them feel good, I do need to look after me
Even though I’m a people pleaser, I’m open to looking after myself too
Remember to keep tapping until you have fully finished with each aspect.
Learn to look after yourself. You could:
Relax in the bath with some essential oils
Take a walk in nature
Read a book
Watch your favourite movie
Get a massage
Meditate
All of these things help us to look after ourselves and ultimately others too. Use EFT any time your boundaries get overrun and you are putting everyone else before yourself!
Lately my clients have been people who are highly sensitive. I find I can relate to these clients very well as I am highly sensitive myself. I, like many sensitive folk found it hard growing up. I was told:
You’re too sensitive
Stop taking things so seriously
Toughen up
You should have thicker skin
Don’t take things to heart so much
I thought it was wrong to be so sensitive. I wasn’t “normal”.
This means that I grew up with this big stigma. I tried to play down my sensitive side. I would cry at movies my friends didn’t seem bothered by. I would always try & hide the fact that I had cried, unless one of my friends had cried too & then it would be “ok” for me to admit that I had cried too. I have even been known to cry at adverts but would not admit that to anyone!
I need time alone every day. That must mean I am some kind of freak surely! Ok, maybe it means that I’m ok when my partner goes away & I have to spend time alone. I enjoy my own company and relish this quiet time to myself.
I have done a lot of tapping about this and now realise that being highly sensitive is actually a good thing. Especially as an EFT practitioner. It makes me more empathetic. I understand my clients on a deep level.
If you are highly sensitive, then I suggest you do some tapping to help you come to terms with it and accept that it is actually a good thing. Here are some suggestions:
Even though I’m highly sensitive, maybe that’s ok
Even though I was always told to toughen up and get thicker skin, maybe I’m ok just the way I am
Even though I was always told I’m too sensitive and take things to heart too easily, what if this is a good thing for me
Even though I was always told not to be so sensitive and that spending time alone is wrong, what if everyone else is wrong and I know what I need
I cannot tell you how much better I felt after I worked on this.To feel ok in your own skin is so important!
Let me emphasise that again – to feel ok in your own skin is so important!
I feel so grateful that EFT allowed me to do this.
If you are highly sensitive then I suggest that you work with someone who really understands you and is highly sensitive themselves.
If you want to explore this issue yourself, Rue Hass, EFT Master has a wonderful website and book for Highly Sensitive People.
I cannot recommend working on this issue highly enough if you are highly sensitive.
Get tapping – you will feel so much more comfortable and ok with yourself if you work on this issue.
If you’ve ever had a sleepless night you realise just how important sleep is. It is often only when we don’t have things that we realise just how important they are. Sleep is like that. We take it for granted. Yet it is so valuable for our health and well-being.
You may lie awake at night, worrying about money, your job, your relationship, your family or your health. Or you could find yourself drifting off to sleep ok, only to wake up a few hours later and not be able to get back to sleep.
Firstly, I’d recommend trying the obvious things – avoid mental stimulation before going to bed i.e. no TV, computer etc. Avoid drinking coffee or any other stimulants at least a few hours before your bedtime. Ensure your bedroom is a dark enough and a comfortable temperature etc.
It can be useful to keep a notebook and pen beside your bed. Jot down any thoughts that are going through your mind. It can feel like the proverbial hamster in a wheel otherwise with the same thoughts going round and round your head all night.
Insomnia
You can also address your worries, stress, anxiety etc with EFT before you go to bed. Here are some examples you might want to try:
Even though I lie awake in bed every night, worrying about my finances, I still deeply and completely accept myself
Even though I toss and turn every night because I’m stressed at work, I have too many responsibilities and I just can’t cope, I’m still ok
Even though I can’t sleep because I’m so worried that my marriage is failing and I just can’t talk to my husband/wife, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway
Even though I lay awake each night worrying about my Mother’s health and I don’t know if she’ll make it through this year, I love and accept myself anyway
Whatever it is that you are worrying about be really specific. Tap a few rounds on what you do at night when you are not sleeping. Here’s an example:
Even though I can’t sleep and I lie there tossing and turning all night long, I’m ok right now
Even though I keep checking the clock to see how much sleep I’m missing out on, I still love and accept myself anyway
Even though I lie there listening to every noise, wondering what it is, I accept my feelings about this anyway
Eyebrow: I can’t sleep at night Side of eye: I lie there tossing and turning Under eye: I keep checking the clock Under nose: To see how much sleep I’ve missed Chin: I think I’ll never get to sleep Collarbone: My mind races at night Under arm: It feels like I’m awake all night Top of head: I feel so lonely lying here with no-one to talk to
Eyebrow: I hate not sleeping Side of eye: I feel so tired Under eye: I really want to go to sleep Under nose: But I can’t stop worrying about ……………… Chin: I listen to all the noises Collarbone: I wonder what they are Under arm: I can’t get comfortable Top of head: I keep getting up to go to the toilet
Eyebrow: Maybe I can write down how I feel Side of eye: I could write down all my worrying thoughts Under eye: I wonder if I’m worrying too much Under nose: What if I could get a good nights sleep Chin: Maybe I can stop worrying Collarbone: What if I could just focus on my breathing Under arm: Maybe I can get really comfortable Top of head: What if I did some deep breathing and felt really relaxed
Remember to tune in to how you feel and be specific as possible.
I hope that the script and ideas help you get a good nights sleep!
Have you ever found yourself feeling stuck and desperately wanting to be understood by your partner? Do you put off having “that talk” about your relationship, because you anticipate it will be difficult, uncomfortable or agonising! Many of us don’t approach our partner because we think they will respond in a certain way. We anticipate their reaction, how they will feel and we think it’s just too difficult to deal with. So we don’t have that talk and bury our heads in the sand! Instead we go around seething, resenting, judging, getting angry, frustrated, sad and upset! Does that sound familiar?
EFT can’t change our partner but what it can help us with is our own judgements, thoughts, feelings and blockages that prevent us from approaching our partners and communicating with them in a calm way. It can also help us deal with the reaction we get if it’s not we want, expect or need.
Firstly try writing down exactly what it is you are feeling. Then use what you have written down to come up with your tapping statements. Below are some examples to help you get started:
Even though I keep putting off talking to my partner, I accept my feelings about this
Even though I can’t find the time to talk to my partner properly, I’m open to making the time
Even though talking about how I feel with {name} is so difficult, they just don’t understand me, I accept myself completely anyway
Even though {name} won’t understand what I’m trying to say, it’s just so difficult to talk with them, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway
Even though {name} will get upset when we have this talk, what if they surprised me and really listened to what I have to say
Even though I’m scared of hurting {name} with what I have to say, I’m open to remaining calm and getting my points across anyway
Even though {name} can’t handle it when I get upset, I really need to talk about this
Even though I don’t know how to explain how I feel and what I need from {name}, I’m open to letting it be easier than I think it will be
Next, tap your way through your list until you feel a shift (check your scores are all down to zero before you stop). Then try practicing “your talk” with your partner in your mind. Visualise how you both react. If there is anything that doesn’t go as you planned it, then keep tapping on the different aspects until you feel comfortable.
Whilst we cannot control how our partners will actually react, we will succeed in communicating a whole lot better if we are calm and in control of our emotions. If the talk doesn’t go as planned, then do some more tapping to help you deal with the situation.
