We all struggle to say no sometimes. We can feel obliged to attend parties, meetings or visit our family. Maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for our health and well-being. Yet, so many of struggle with it. Self care certainly isn’t easy when we are busy!
We may also suffer from “FOMO” or Fear Of Missing Out. I can definitely relate to that one when I was younger. I hated having to go to bed at a certain time and can remember sneaking out of bed during parties to try to see what was happening from the top of the stairs! At work FOMO can be especially tricky. We fear if we say no to overtime or extra work that we won’t be valued or that we’ll miss out on opportunities like promotion.
I talk a lot about self care with my clients because it is very important. Especially when they come to me with severe stress or anxiety and are burnt out. We aren’t taught how to look after ourselves, so it is something you have to experiment with. As the saying goes, you can’t fill from an empty cup!
As an introvert I know I need quiet, alone time after being with people – even people I love! So I plan for that.
How Tapping Can Help
Tapping can help us maintain our boundaries and learn to say “no” more often (without feeling guilty!).
I recommend tapping on whatever the trigger is and the associated feelings e.g. guilt.
For example:
- Even though I feel I should do X, I choose to look after my needs
- Even though I feel obliged to attend every X meeting, maybe I can miss it now and then
- Even though I always put everyone else first, maybe I can learn to take care of my needs too
- Even though I feel it’s my duty to visit my Gran every week, what if it’s ok to miss it when I’m really busy
Then tap on the feelings that come up because you are choosing to do something different for a change, e.g.
- Even though I feel guilty for having some me time, I know I need to look after me
- Even though I feel guilty and ashamed for not visiting my Gran this week, I need some self care
- Even though I feel so bad about not looking after X’s dog, I need to rest and recover my energy
It’s no good trying to enjoy a lovely soak in the bath with candles and soft music if your mind is churning with guilt! Tap on all the feelings associated with saying no or putting your needs first for a change.
Self Care List
I recommend to my clients that they come up with a list of self care things so that they can easily pick one when they really need it. I also recommend daily and weekly self care things so that they maintain their health and well being.
E.g.
- Long soak in the bath
- Reading a book
- Watching your favourite TV show/film
- Going for a massage or treatment
- Eating a delicious meal
- Yoga session
- Doing something creative e.g. painting or crafting
Put your list somewhere you will see it on a daily basis and enjoy some self care.
Let me know if you’d like some help with saying no or your self care 🙂