One of the most common things clients struggle with EFT is how to find the “right” words to use. Well there are no “right” words as I have written about in the past. In fact, we can tap without using any words at all.
This happened in a client session recently. The client was playing back certain memories in their head. I was tapping on their hand, allowing them to be fully present on the memory and feelings going on for them. Intuitively I knew that me asking them to start saying words would bring them out of their memory. So I just gently kept tapping and focusing on breathing.
After awhile I felt that they had reached a place where I could check in with them. I reassured the client that just focusing on the memory whilst I was tapping was just perfect in that moment. I was then able to question the client to check how the emotions were feeling now.
The session continued in this way until the client felt no more emotion and could play back the memory without feeling triggered in any way. So remember the words are just designed to help us stay tuned in the memory/emotion/pain etc. If you are right there in your memory/emotion/pain then you don’t need the words – keep focused on the sensations and keep tapping until you have completely resolved the issue.
The main things to remember about EFT are to be specific, focused and persistent!
The most common question that I get asked is what are the “right” words to use in EFT? Some people ask if they have to use words at all. They find it difficult to find the words to use or they find it distracts from their feelings. If you are new to EFT it can put you off doing it! You may have gotten stuck into this thinking that you can’t find the “right” words to say and you’ll do it wrong if you say the “wrong” words.
Let’s set the record straight right now! There are no “right” words! Or “wrong” words for that matter!
When we are working with ourselves sometimes the words don’t flow. We are often too far into our problem to see what is going on. Like seeing the proverbial wood through the trees. If you are new to EFT there is a lot going on – figuring out the words, where to tap, how many times to tap, how hard to tap and oh yeah what was I feeling again?
The most important thing is that we are tuned in to how we are feeling. If you are having the feelings right here and now you can easily tune in and tap! If you are working on something not in the here and now then make sure you really tune in to the feelings and then tap.
If you have sensations in your body then focus on them as well as the emotions you are feeling. Our body often has wonderful messages for us if we just take some time to listen! You don’t need to know what the message is – just acknowledge your body for giving you the message and use what is going on for you.
For example, say you are feeling stressed at work and you have a tight knot in your stomach. You can tune in to that feeling and tap. If you want to add some words then you can. Otherwise just acknowledge the feeling, thank your body for giving you this message and focus on the tight knot and the stress as you tap.
When practitioners work with clients we tune in to what the client is telling us. We listen deeply to what they are saying and tune in to our intuition. Sometimes we don’t get it “right” and the client can adjust what we have suggested. Clients often find it easier to adjust some words rather than starting from scratch!
If you are still feeling like you’re not sure – just start tapping. Often the words will start to flow as we begin to tap and release some of this stuck energy. So keep tapping and tuning in.
If you are still feeling stuck about the words then you can actually tap on that too. Try:
Even though I don’t know how to find the right words to use, I’m open to just focusing on my feelings and tapping anyway
Even though I’m sure I have to use the right words, otherwise EFT won’t work, I love and accept myself anyway
Even though I’m worried I’ll make myself feel worse if I use the wrong words, I’m open to the possibility that tapping will help me anyway and there are no right and wrong words
Remember to just tune in to how you feel and then tap.