You Can Only Change You

We all wish we could make people change at times. Sometimes it’s our family or our partner – why can’t they be more supportive/loving etc? Sometimes it’s people we work with – why do they have to be so negative all the time? Why can’t they pull their weight etc.

Well unfortunately we can’t make other people change. What we can do is work on ourselves. We can change our attitude and the way we react and this can have a beneficial effect on our relationship with the other person.

So next time you find yourself wishing someone would change, try doing some tapping instead.


  • Even though I wish Dan was more supportive and offered me more help, I’m ok
  • Even though Donna is always so negative and always puts people down, maybe she’s having a hard time at home
  • Even though Patrick never pulls his weight and always manages to worm his way out of doing his fair share, I accept my feelings about this

Tap on the fact that you really wish they would change & why.  Tap on all the aspects of the issue, e.g. your frustration, anger, bitterness etc. Tap on specific events where they were doing the thing you wish they’d change.  Keep going until you feel calm/neutral.  You may have had some insights as to why they behave a certain way. Hopefully by now you will be feeling different towards them – at least more compassionately!

Remember we can only change ourselves. Tapping can always calm us down and help us with the way we react to people.

Keep tapping


The Right Fit

I had a great discussion with a client recently about the different therapies that they had tried. What is important to note is that not every therapy will work for you. Not even EFT which works on most people!

So how do you know what is right for you?

The Right Fit

First of all, do some research and find out what the therapy involves. If it sounds interesting and something that might help you then take the next step. Search for a local practitioner if it is a therapy that requires that or find one you are drawn to. Talk to the therapist and see if they feel a right fit for you. This is very important. The fit has to be right with both the therapy and the practitioner. It could be the best therapy for you but if you don’t like the therapist, it probably isn’t going to happen. If you are dreading going to see your therapist then you are probably not going to get a lot out of your session together!

There has been a lot written about the therapeutic relationship. Fundamentally we want to be listened to and understood. We want to feel like our therapist “gets us”. We don’t want to feel like they are judging us or criticising us. I would say that we want them to challenge us certainly, but in a caring way. You should feel supported and like you are working together as a team.

You can always set up an initial appointment and see what happens in the session together. If the fit feels good then you can arrange more sessions and if it doesn’t you can try someone else.

Remember that just because a therapist is right for your friend/partner or family member they may not be right for you.

So take some time to find a therapy that you are interested in trying and then find a therapist that feels like a good fit.  When the therapist/client relationship is the right fit, wonderful things can happen.

Keep tapping
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Taking On Too Much

  • How often do you take on too much?
  • Do you feel like you can’t say no?
  • Do you want to please everybody?
  • Do you feel you are letting people down if you say no?

We can’t be superman or superwoman! We need to have boundaries. We need to look after ourselves. If we do too much and then get ill then we can’t help anyone.

So make looking after yourself a priority. Learn to say no. Enlist the help of others.

If any of that triggers something in you then it’s time to tap! Start by trying statements like:

  • Even though I always take on too much, I’m open to the possibility of changing my ways
  • Even though I feel like I can’t say no, I’m open to learning how to set boundaries
  • Even though I want to help everybody and make them feel good, I do need to look after me
  • Even though I’m a people pleaser, I’m open to looking after myself too

Remember to keep tapping until you have fully finished with each aspect.

Learn to look after yourself. You could:

  • Relax in the bath with some essential oils
  • Take a walk in nature
  • Read a book
  • Watch your favourite movie
  • Get a massage
  • Meditate

All of these things help us to look after ourselves and ultimately others too. Use EFT any time your boundaries get overrun and you are putting everyone else before yourself!

Keep tapping
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We Need to Talk

Have you ever found yourself feeling stuck and desperately wanting to be understood by your partner? Do you put off having “that talk” about your relationship, because you anticipate it will be difficult, uncomfortable or agonising!  Many of us don’t approach our partner because we think they will respond in a certain way. We anticipate their reaction, how they will feel and we think it’s just too difficult to deal with. So we don’t have that talk and bury our heads in the sand! Instead we go around seething, resenting, judging, getting angry, frustrated, sad and upset! Does that sound familiar?

EFT can’t change our partner but what it can help us with is our own judgements, thoughts, feelings and blockages that prevent us from approaching our partners and communicating with them in a calm way. It can also help us deal with the reaction we get if it’s not we want, expect or need.

Firstly try writing down exactly what it is you are feeling.  Then use what you have written down to come up with your tapping statements.  Below are some examples to help you get started:

  • Even though I keep putting off talking to my partner, I accept my feelings about this
  • Even though I can’t find the time to talk to my partner properly, I’m open to making the time
  • Even though talking about how I feel with {name} is so difficult, they just don’t understand me, I accept myself completely anyway
  • Even though {name} won’t understand what I’m trying to say, it’s just so difficult to talk with them, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway
  • Even though {name} will get upset when we have this talk, what if they surprised me and really listened to what I have to say
  • Even though I’m scared of hurting {name} with what I have to say, I’m open to remaining calm and getting my points across anyway
  • Even though {name} can’t handle it when I get upset, I really need to talk about this
  • Even though I don’t know how to explain  how I feel and what I need from {name}, I’m open to letting it be easier than I think it will be

Next, tap your way through your list until you feel a shift (check your scores are all down to zero before you stop). Then try practicing “your talk” with your partner in your mind. Visualise how you both react. If there is anything that doesn’t go as you planned it, then keep tapping on the different aspects until you feel comfortable.

Whilst we cannot control how our partners will actually react, we will succeed in communicating a whole lot better if we are calm and in control of our emotions. If the talk doesn’t go as planned, then do some more tapping to help you deal with the situation.

Good luck with “that talk”.

Keep tapping!
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Alex Reid uses EFT

Alex Reid, (Katy Price’s husband) is a tapper! The cage fighter has an EFT trainer who helps him deal with stress and “sort his head out”.  He has suggested that X-Factor judge Cheryl Cole use his Emotional Freedom Technique Trainer to help her de-stress following her split from footballer Ashley Cole.

Reid stated: “I have to say a special thanks to Dennis, my EFT trainer. That stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. He’s like a therapist and has really helped me deal with the trials and tribulations of my new celebrity life! ”

Let’s hope that Cheryl takes his advice and gains the benefits of EFT. EFT is an amazing technique that can help you deal with:

  • Negative emotions
  • Relationship problems
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence

All of these issues can come up when you split with a partner or are going through a divorce. I know – I’ve been there! If only I’d had EFT at the time – life would have been so much better.