My step daughter was horse riding recently and her horse got spooked by a jump falling over in the wind. He jumped sideways and then did a mini buck and then she fell off. She handled it brilliantly and after her instructor checked that both her and the horse were ok, she got my step daughter straight back into the saddle for a gentle walk and trot. My step daughter and her horse were both ok and benefited from getting straight back on with it.
I was very proud of my step daughter and how she handled the situation. This got me thinking about how we handle a “fall”. This could be anything that is unexpected or making any kind of mistake. I remember years ago, learning on my NLP training that:
“There is no failure only feedback”.
This really helped transform how I dealt with making mistakes. In the past I really hated making mistakes and always felt really embarrassed by it. I’ll admit that I am a bit of a perfectionist! Now I realise it’s all part of the learning process and I feel much better about it. I have used both NLP and EFT to help me handle failure better.
Transformative Power of EFT
We can use EFT to help us too. For example, we can tap on how we feel about making mistakes or failing:
Even though I hate making mistakes, I’m ok
Even though I hate failing and have to do it right every time, I accept myself anyway
Even though feel like such a failure every time a make a mistake, I’m willing to be kinder to myself
Even though I feel like a failure if I fall or make a mistake, I choose to accept myself
It is also essential to work on specific events from our past and transform any negative emotions around them. This changes our default programming and opens us up to new possibilities.
I’d love to help you change how you feel about a “fall”. Do get in touch if you would like some help…
We’ve all experienced disappointment at some point in our lives. You may feel disappointed with the results of the recent UK General Election! It’s not something we can avoid. But how can we deal with it?
A recent client came to me feeling very disappointed about a situation at work. She was losing a new employee to another job. She had spent quite a bit of money and a lot of time and effort recruiting and subsequently training the new person and was very disappointed they would soon be leaving!
I always recommend by starting with acknowledging fully how you feel. So vent e.g.
Even though I’m so disappointed that I’m losing X, I accept my feelings anyway
Even though I’ve wasted so much money & effort training X and I’m going to have to do it all again…
Even though I’m so annoyed and disappointed and frustrated I’m losing X…
Once you have got all those feelings cleared then it’s time to ask yourself some questions.
What have you learnt?
What would you do differently next time?
What would you skip?
Is there someone who can help you?
What can you refine about the process?
Spend a bit of time actually writing down your answers.
We can’t always avoid disappointment, but we can use EFT to help us handle the emotions. If we’ve learnt something or can do something different next time then our experience hasn’t been wasted!
Drop me an email if you’d like some help. I offer face to face sessions in Devon & Skype sessions Worldwide.
Fear of what I hear you say? Success? I know most people are familiar with fear of failure. What is often surprising though is that a lot of people also have a fear of success. So how do you go about dealing with that fear of success? Firstly, you need to understand what success means to you and the expectations you associate with it.
Think about past times in your life and the specific events when you were successful. Now if any of those upset you then use EFT to clear out the negative emotions. Try the movie technique to clear out any negativity from those events. Many people actually sabotage themselves so that they don’t achieve their success. EFT can really help you clear out this self sabotaging behaviour.
Try the following questions and write down what comes up for you…
Success means ……………
I fear success because ……………
I don’t deserve success because ……………
Last time I was successful …………… happened
Being successful means I’ll have to ……………
Being successful means I won’t be able to ……………
Being successful means I’ll have to give up ……………
Being successful means I’ll lose ……………
I sabotage myself by doing ……………
You can now use this information and do some tapping. So, if for example, you are worried that if you are succesful you won’t have enough time for your family then tap on that. If you think you’ll have so much pressure on you to keep up that success that it will drain you until you crash and burn, then tap on that. If you think you don’t deserve to be successful, then tap on that. Tap, tap, tap!
Here is a sample tapping script that you can use. Score your fear before you start tapping (where 10 is maximum fear).
Even though I have this fear of success, I’m open to changing that today
Even though I’m really frightened I’ll be a success and that will put so much pressure on me that I’ll crash and burn, I acknowledge and accept my feelings
Even though I’m so scared I’ll be a success and then I’ll have no time for my family, I’m open to finding the right balance in my life
Eyebrow: I have this fear of success Side of eye: It seems strange to fear success Under eye: I’m scared I’ll have all this pressure on me Under nose: I don’t want to get so busy that I have no family life Chin: What if the pressure is too much for me Collarbone: What if I feel overwhelmed Under arm: I’m scared of success Top of head: I’m scared I’ll have no time for my family and they’ll resent me
Eyebrow: I don’t deserve success Side of eye: There will be too much pressure on me to keep this success going Under eye: I’ll get overwhelmed Under nose: I’m not good enough to succeed Chin: I’ll feel guilty that I’m not giving enough to my family Collarbone: I don’t want to succeed and then find it all too much to handle Under arm: I’m scared of sustaining this success Top of head: What if my family hate me for doing so well
Eyebrow: I’m open to letting this fear go Side of eye: I want to clear out all these doubts Under eye: I’m open to changing this fear today Under nose: What if I can enjoy my success Chin: What if I can find the right balance between success and family life Collarbone: Maybe my family will support me Under arm: Maybe I do deserve to be successful Top of head: I’m open to enjoying my success
Remember to use your words where appropriate. Re-check your score and keep tapping and adjusting your statements until you are down to zero. Tap on all the different aspects of your fear. Test your results when you think you are finished. Visualise yourself being successful and check that no negatives come up. If they do, then do some more tapping.
I will leave you with this amazing quote from Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
If someone gives you feedback, do you immediately feel you’ve failed in some way? Do you feel a failure if you haven’t done something perfectly?
Even if you receive constructive criticism do you feel a failure? Well here’s an alternative way to think of that feedback. It’s an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) presupposition:
“There is no failure, only feedback”
You have a choice as to how you handle your feedback and failures. You can remain stuck and give up, thinking you’re not good enough or you can learn the lessons presented, dust yourself off and try again.
As Albert Einstein said:
“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.”
Everyone makes mistakes. The difference between those who succeed and those who don’t is their ability to learn from their mistakes, adjust their behaviour/actions and try again. Each time you make a mistake you learn more about what you are trying to achieve and yourself.
Just think what would have happened if you had given up trying to walk the first time you fell over. You wouldn’t have gotten very far in life! So be like a child and just get up and try again.
Focussing on your failure keeps you stuck in the past and the problems. So focus on the results you’ve gotten and what you want to achieve. Now shift your focus to other possibilities and move forward.
Think about what you want to achieve, what you have achieved so far, what feedback you’ve had, what you have learned, how you use your lessons in a positive way and how you will measure your success. Then dust yourself off and have another go!
Remember, the words of Elbert Hubbard:
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.”