Connection Frustration

I am sure I am not alone in feeling even more frustrated with this lockdown. For a start it is out of sync with Wales, which means my family and friends there are now out of lockdown whilst here in England we have a few weeks to go. I am so missing the connection with my family and friends.

I have found that EFT or Tapping has really helped me vent my frustration and come to terms with all my emotions.

My tapping setup statements went like this…

  • Even though I’m really frustrated we’re locked down again, I accept my feelings anyway
  • Even though I really miss my family, I love and accept myself anyway
  • Even though I am frustrated I can’t see my family and they are now free again, I acknowledge and accept all my emotions
  • Even though I am desperate to see my family and really hope our lockdown doesn’t drag on longer, I accept all my feelings

Tune in to your feelings and tweak your setup statements to suit. Keep tapping until you feel better. You may need to repeat the tapping for many rounds.

After tapping I always feel much calmer and much less frustrated.

Lessons Learnt

What the lockdowns have taught me is that it is the connection with friends and family that I really miss the most. Yes I would love to be able to go out for a meal or a coffee too but it’s the not being able to see people that bothers me the most.

Whilst I am grateful for Zoom and social media it is not the same as seeing people face to face. But it is better than nothing at the moment.

I am continuing to tap regularly and making time to do lots of self care. I am so grateful to get out walking in nature and to be reminded to let go by the trees! 🙂

Connection Frustration

Stay safe.
Louise

How Do You Handle a Fall?

How Do You Handle A Fall?

My step daughter was horse riding recently and her horse got spooked by a jump falling over in the wind. He jumped sideways and then did a mini buck and then she fell off. She handled it brilliantly and after her instructor checked that both her and the horse were ok, she got my step daughter straight back into the saddle for a gentle walk and trot. My step daughter and her horse were both ok and benefited from getting straight back on with it.

How do you handle a fall?
How do you handle a fall?

I was very proud of my step daughter and how she handled the situation. This got me thinking about how we handle a “fall”. This could be anything that is unexpected or making any kind of mistake. I remember years ago, learning on my NLP training that:

“There is no failure only feedback”.

This really helped transform how I dealt with making mistakes. In the past I really hated making mistakes and always felt really embarrassed by it. I’ll admit that I am a bit of a perfectionist! Now I realise it’s all part of the learning process and I feel much better about it. I have used both NLP and EFT to help me handle failure better.

Transformative Power of EFT

We can use EFT to help us too. For example, we can tap on how we feel about making mistakes or failing:

  • Even though I hate making mistakes, I’m ok
  • Even though I hate failing and have to do it right every time, I accept myself anyway
  • Even though feel like such a failure every time a make a mistake, I’m willing to be kinder to myself
  • Even though I feel like a failure if I fall or make a mistake, I choose to accept myself

It is also essential to work on specific events from our past and transform any negative emotions around them. This changes our default programming and opens us up to new possibilities.

I’d love to help you change how you feel about a “fall”. Do get in touch if you would like some help…

Louise

Feelings About Feelings

Feelings About Feelings

I was working with a client recently and the tapping didn’t seem to be working. We were tapping on various different emotions and the associated sensations in her body. We tapped several rounds focusing on the body sensations and the different emotions in turn. She was frustrated with herself for having these various emotions and not being able to get rid of them!

I suggested we take a step back and work on the frustration first. That did the trick…

By focusing on the feelings we have about the feelings (or the emotions about having the emotions) we had a break through!

Feelings about feelings
Feelings about feelings

Pain & Suffering

Often when we have pain we have a lot of feelings or emotions about that pain. That is suffering. Our pain feels worse because we have all these feelings or emotions about having the pain. We don’t need to suffer additionally when we have pain. We can tap on our feelings and emotions about having the pain.

So always make sure you tap on your feelings or emotions about having the other feelings or emotions.

Say you are angry at someone because they did something to upset you. You can start by tapping on your anger, but you may also be feeling frustrated or guilty about feeling angry. So tap on the feelings about the feelings as well. E.g.

  • Even though I feel frustrated about feeling angry at Bob when he really upset me, I accept all these feelings
  • Even though I feel guilty because Bob upset me and made me angry, I accept all of my feelings
  • Even though I feel frustrated that I got so angry when Bob upset me, I acknowledge and accept myself anyway

Keep Tapping

Be observant and notice how your feelings about having your feelings change. Once you have cleared the feelings about the feelings, start tapping on the feelings. E.g.

  • Even though Bob upset me and I got angry, I accept all my feelings
  • Even though I feel angry because Bob upset me when he did X, I acknowledge and accept myself
  • Even though I feel this angry knot of tension in my gut when I think about what Bob did…

Remember, to be as specific as possible for best results when tapping.

Keep tapping 🙂

Louise

 

 

Just Say No – Self Care Tips

We all struggle to say no sometimes. We can feel obliged to attend parties, meetings or visit our family. Maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for our health and well-being. Yet, so many of struggle with it. Self care certainly isn’t easy when we are busy!

We may also suffer from “FOMO” or Fear Of Missing Out. I can definitely relate to that one when I was younger. I hated having to go to bed at a certain time and can remember sneaking out of bed during parties to try to see what was happening from the top of the stairs! At work FOMO can be especially tricky. We fear if we say no to overtime or extra work that we won’t be valued or that we’ll miss out on opportunities like promotion.

I talk a lot about self care with my clients because it is very important. Especially when they come to me with severe stress or anxiety and are burnt out. We aren’t taught how to look after ourselves, so it is something you have to experiment with. As the saying goes, you can’t fill from an empty cup!

Self care – empty cup

As an introvert I know I need quiet, alone time after being with people – even people I love! So I plan for that.

How Tapping Can Help

Tapping can help us maintain our boundaries and learn to say “no” more often (without feeling guilty!).

I recommend tapping on whatever the trigger is and the associated feelings e.g. guilt.

For example:

  • Even though I feel I should do X, I choose to look after my needs
  • Even though I feel obliged to attend every X meeting, maybe I can miss it now and then
  • Even though I always put everyone else first, maybe I can learn to take care of my needs too
  • Even though I feel it’s my duty to visit my Gran every week, what if it’s ok to miss it when I’m really busy

Then tap on the feelings that come up because you are choosing to do something different for a change, e.g.

  • Even though I feel guilty for having some me time, I know I need to look after me
  • Even though I feel guilty and ashamed for not visiting my Gran this week, I need some self care
  • Even though I feel so bad about not looking after X’s dog, I need to rest and recover my energy

It’s no good trying to enjoy a lovely soak in the bath with candles and soft music if your mind is churning with guilt! Tap on all the feelings associated with saying no or putting your needs first for a change.

Self Care List

I recommend to my clients that they come up with a list of self care things so that they can easily pick one when they really need it. I also recommend daily and weekly self care things so that they maintain their health and well being.

E.g.

  • Long soak in the bath
  • Reading a book
  • Watching your favourite TV show/film
  • Going for a massage or treatment
  • Eating a delicious meal
  • Yoga session
  • Doing something creative e.g. painting or crafting

Put your list somewhere you will see it on a daily basis and enjoy some self care.

Self care
Self care – soak in the bath

Let me know if you’d like some help with saying no or your self care 🙂

Louise

How Long Should I Tap For?

It’s time for another FAQ…

How long should I tap for?

How long do I tap for?
How long should I tap for?

This is another question I get asked all the time by my clients. How long should I tap for? Again, there is no right or wrong answer for this. But there are guidelines. If you are going to tap on a serious, long standing issue then you definitely want to set aside at least an hour at a time to do the tapping. You also want to ensure that you don’t have to be anywhere important right after it.

If there is a chance that you will get upset then you definitely need the space for “resting” time afterwards. If I have worked on an upsetting issue then I find it helpful to spend some time quietly afterwards with a journal or I go for a walk where I can digest the session.  This is what I recommend to clients who work with me. It comes down to basic self care.

If it’s a “small” issue then you can tap for whatever time you have available e.g. 5 minutes before your meeting to calm you down and help you focus. Five minutes under those circumstances can make a big difference! If it is a long term thing you are working on then daily tapping is definitely recommended. 15-20 minutes of focussed tapping every day can work wonders to clear an issue.

My client sessions generally last an hour. Sometimes clients want to work for longer to clear an issue and that’s ok but I personally don’t recommend more than 2 hours at a time. I feel that is enough and that you need some time to let things settle before continuing.

So why not experiment and see what works best for you?

Keep tapping 🙂

Louise

 

Developing A Good Tapping Habit

We all have some habits that we wish we didn’t, e.g. biting our nails or smoking. EFT is an excellent tool to use to help you get rid of unwanted habits. What I’d like to share with you today are some ways to get into a good habit – regular tapping. This is another question I get asked a lot by clients – how can they remember to use it on a regular basis.

Good habit
How to develop a good tapping habit?

 

Many people recognise that EFT is a fantastic self help tool, but they get so busy and caught up with everyday life that they forget to do it. It only works when you use it and sometimes you have to use it quite a lot. One of the key things with EFT is persistence and chasing the pain back to the root cause (not just tapping on your symptoms). So how can we remind ourselves to tap on a regular basis?

Tips

Here are some ways that you can develop a good tapping habit:

  • Schedule it (yes literally put it in your diary/calendar)
  • Tap in the morning as part of your ablutions (e.g. before you shower or after brushing your teeth)
  • Tap every time you use the bathroom
  • Tap before your lunch
  • Tap before you pick up the phone
  • Use EFT before any meetings
  • Tap whilst stuck in traffic (perfect for road rage!)
  • Before bed, tap on anything that didn’t go so well/anything that upset you

Schedule
Schedule EFT

I hope that these help you make EFT a good habit. If you have any other suggestions, I’d love to hear from you. 🙂

I always recommend working with an experienced EFT practitioner if you have a long standing or complex issue. We can do a lot of very valuable work by ourselves but it is always better to work with a practitioner who will guide and support you when you need it.

Keep tapping
Louise

 

I Can’t Get Back To Sleep

I Can’t Get Back To Sleep

You manage to go to sleep ok and think that’s it for the night, but then you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep. You toss and turn and try plumping up your pillow. You may even get up to go to the toilet or have a drink of water. But when you get back into bed, you just lie there getting frustrated! Your thoughts start churning and you start worrying about work or money or the economy or the destruction of the rainforests! It doesn’t matter what it is you’re worrying or thinking about you just can’t get back to sleep. Then you check your clock every couple of minutes and get stressed about how little sleep you’ll get.

I can't get back to sleep
I can’t get back to sleep

Sleep Deprived

Any one who has suffered a sleep deprived night knows just how horrible it is. The next day you struggle because you’ve not had enough sleep and you can feel tired and like you have brain fog! You can’t focus properly and maybe your work suffers. It takes you longer to do things that you’d normally fly through. Emotionally wise we can be more sensitive and something that would normally not bother us can send us off into meltdown.

Tap In Bed

So what can we do? You can try tapping in bed. If you are in bed with a partner, you might want to try tapping very quietly and gently or just finger tap. If you’re on your own, then you can be as loud as you like! Here’s some tapping statements that you might find helpful to get you started:

  • Even though I went to sleep fine, why oh why did I have to wake up?
  • Even though I was fast asleep, something woke me up and I’m pissed off
  • Even though I get so upset and frustrated when I wake up in the night, I choose to accept this anyway
  • Even though I’m so stressed that I can’t go back to sleep, I accept myself anyway
  • Even though I worry about how little sleep I’ll get, I choose to accept myself
  • Even though I hate not being able to go back to sleep, I love and accept myself anyway

Use a few of the statements that resonate with you and tap a few rounds. Always tune in to how you feel and use your words where possible. Hopefully these statements will trigger what feels right for you.

Check-in

Once you’ve tapped a few rounds, you may start to feel a bit better. Check-in with how you feel now. If you have cleared enough of the ‘negatives’ it could be time to use some more positive choices.

The next statements offer some choices that may help you too:

  • Even though I hate waking up in the middle of the night, I wonder if I can go back to sleep easily?
  • Even though I feel upset about waking up, I’m curious if I can let that go and go back to sleep
  • Even though I worry about {work/money etc}, what if I can easily let that go
  • Even though I get so stressed when I wake in the middle of the night, maybe I can be less bothered and fall asleep again
  • Even though I feel so awake, I wonder if I can start to feel drowsy and relaxed

Try tapping on whatever alternate choice feels good for you. Slow rhythmical tapping can be helpful. Breathe slowly and deeply and hopefully you’ll soon drop off to sleep.

Wishing you a good nights sleep 🙂

Sleep well
Sleep Well

If you’d like some help, drop me an email.

Louise

Noticing Stress In Your Body

One of the things we can do to help our stress levels is becoming more aware of our stress. Noticing how our body responds when we start to feel stressed.

Stressed body
Stress in your body

  • Do you get a tightness in your neck and shoulders?
  • Do you find yourself clenching your jaw?
  • Maybe your digestion plays up
  • You start getting headaches
  • Or your throat becomes tight

Whatever it is, just observe it. Acknowledge it is there. Then when you have acknowledged it, try accepting it. You could do some tapping for this. For example:

  • Even though I feel my throat becoming tight, I acknowledge and accept that my body is trying to tell me I’m getting stressed
  • Even though my shoulders are getting tense, I know that means I’m starting to get stressed

Once you have acknowledged and accepted your stress showing up in your body, try thanking your body. E.g.

  • Even though I don’t like the feel of my tight neck and shoulder muscles, I’m grateful for my body and it letting me know I’m getting stressed
  • Even though my jaw is so tight it hurts, I’m grateful for the warning that I’m starting to get stressed

Then try to do something to help reduce your stress levels. I believe that we need to address what is causing our stress levels and also do something to counter that stress. So you could do a combination of working to reduce your task list / asking for help and do something to help you feel physically better. Whether that is some more EFT, Meditation, a walk in nature, a massage or long soak in the bath etc that is up to you.

Do whatever works best for you. If you don’t know, then it is time to start finding out… 🙂

Your health and well-being deserve it!

Louise

Will EFT Work On My X Issue Too?

Another question I frequently get asked by clients is: Will EFT Work On My X Issue Too?

FAQ - Will EFT work on my X issue?

Say a client has come to me for their stress and anxiety at work issue. They will often only think of using EFT on that issue. They won’t think to use this amazing tool on their fear of spiders issue or when they have an argument with their partner, or when they have a headache etc.

So my advice is always the same – just try it! When clients have resolved their original issue they often forget about EFT and don’t think to use it on other things that come up in their life. I always aim to teach my clients that this amazing tool is theirs – it’s at their fingertips.

Most people need a reminder from time to time though. So my advice is to do some tapping on a daily basis so that it becomes a good habit. That way we don’t have to think about it – we automatically start doing it in times of need. EFT becomes their ‘go to’ self help tool.

Here’s some ways I’ve used EFT this week to give you an idea:

  • Daily affirmations (remember to get rid of your “yes buts” first before working with affirmations)
  • Stuck behind a slow moving lorry when running late
  • Feeling stressed when trying to multi task too many things at once
  • Tight and painful shoulders (as a result of previous point!)
  • After hearing some upsetting news from a friend

EFT has helped me so much in so many ways. My aim is to educate and spread the word about this amazing tool so that you can benefit from it too.

So, why not try making EFT a part of your daily self care? That way, you will think of using it for your X issue 🙂

Keep tapping
Email Louise

You Give Me Road Rage…

Road Rage
Traffic jam – road rage or calm acceptance?

Have you ever had road rage? We can all get stressed when stuck in an unexpected traffic jam. But what if you find yourself getting angry and frustrated every time you get behind the wheel? If you have to drive a lot then this can become a big problem. Not only does it make your journey more difficult, it is causing unnecessary stress in your life.

Time to do some tapping…

Acknowledge how the anger/frustration and stress is getting to you when you drive:

  • Even though I get angry/frustrated every time I get behind the wheel…
  • Even though I seem to be getting stressed every time I drive lately…
  • Even though I seem to have road rage on every journey…
  • Even though I get angry and frustrated and shout and swear at other drivers…
  • Even though my stress levels are really high when driving…
  • Even though I seem to be angry and stressed whenever I drive lately…

Notice where you feel the emotions in your body:

  • Even though I have all this tension and knots in my shoulders when I’m driving…
  • Even though my jaw is clenched tight when I’m driving…
  • Even though my heart is beating fast and I feel so angry and frustrated behind the wheel…
  • Even though I feel hot and sweaty when I’m driving…

You will get better results when you are more specific. So it’s a good idea to tap on specific events from the past when you’ve been particularly angry/frustrated or stressed during a journey.  So tap on the time you had road rage when you were late for an important meeting or you missed your child’s performance in the school play.  Work on all the emotions that come up for you in these events, e.g. guilt, shame, embarrassment etc.

When you’ve worked on the most intense specific events, you should be less triggered in the future. So think about what you can do to help the situation on a practical level. Examples could be leaving earlier, going a different route, re-arranging your day so you don’t have to drive in rush hour traffic, car sharing/taking turns with someone. You may need to tap on those things too:

  • Even though I know I should leave earlier but I always seem to be running late…
  • Even though I know I should go a different route, I seem to be on auto-pilot in the mornings…
  • Even though I always seem to have to do all the driving…

Remember to tap any time that you are triggered. You can tap whilst driving, if safe to do so e.g. just tapping the finger points with your hand on the wheel or when you stop at traffic lights.

I hope that this helps your road rage to disappear!

Keep tapping
Louise

Mental Health Awareness Week

MHAW-round-stickerm-png-300x300

This week has been mental health awareness week in the UK. I was very pleased to do a presentation on Monday at the RSPB in Exeter.

I spoke about stress – what it is and how it affects us. I introduced the staff to a short Mindfulness meditation that can even be done at your desk at work. I also demonstrated EFT and how that can be used to help with stress at work and helping you achieve a better work/life balance. Which is something most people can relate to.

There are many tools out there can be very helpful for our mental health. For more info on EFT checkout my website http://freeflowingenergy.com/eft/. There’s also a great deal of helpful info at https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/

EFT and Mindfulness are two tools that help keep me on an even keel. I wouldn’t be without them now. Having suffered from stress and anxiety in my previous career as a Software Engineer, I know from first hand experience how horrible it can be. Fortunately I now have the pleasure of teaching these amazing tools to other people.

Here’s to your health & well being!
Louise

 

 

Do I Have To Speak Out Loud?

monkey-987886_1280

Another question I get asked a lot is:

Do I have to speak out loud when tapping?

In a session with a practitioner, we normally repeat the statements out loud when we tap. Many people find it a bit weird speaking out loud when they tap by themselves. The great thing is you don’t have to do it! EFT is a very flexible tool.

Here are some ways you can try to see which suits you best.

  • Tap silently – repeating your statements in your mind only
  • Write down your statements and tap whilst reading them

If you are ok with speaking out loud, you can try these versions:

  • Tap whilst whispering the statements
  • Try shouting out your statements (great if you’re stuck or need to really vent)
  • Sing your tapping statements
  • Use a silly voice – this works especially well if you’re tapping on something someone said – you can exaggerate their voice

Keep tapping (whichever way you decide to do it)
Louise

How Often Should I Tap?

calendar-1135273_1280

This is not an easy question to answer, but one I get asked all the time by my clients.

The answer very much depends on you. Think about the reason for tapping and how quickly you want results.

Personally, I tap every single day. Some days it’s just for 5 minutes. Other days it’s a whole hour if I’m doing a ‘proper’ session. Often, it’s somewhere in between.

  • If you have a long standing or chronic condition then I definitely recommend tapping every day.
  • If you want quick results then again I recommend tapping every day.
  • If you feel stressed every day then I definitely recommend tapping every day!

It is not always easy to find the time. You have to make the time.  Most of us can manage to find 5 minutes in our busy day. So start with that. Just 5 minutes. On days where you have more time then tap for longer. The more you tap, the more you’ll benefit. So get started 🙂

Keep tapping
Louise

 

Happy New Year 2016

Happy New Year 2016.jpg

Wishing you a Happy New Year 2016.

Instead of having New Year Resolutions, which normally get dropped by the second week of January, I like to set myself goals for the year.

You can start out by asking yourself some questions about how your 2015 was, e.g.

  • What were my gifts?
  • What were my successes?
  • What were my challenges?
  • What was my biggest lesson?

Then think about what you want to achieve in 2016. If you have a big goal, e.g. studying for a qualification, then it can really help to break it down into smaller goals. So you might have a goal each term, or for each major piece of coursework.

Then write out your goals for 2016. You can get really creative and use a vision board and fill it with your goals and inspiration to help you along the way. Stand in front of your board every day and visualise how good it will feel to achieve your goals. You can use EFT on any issues you have along the way, e.g. fear of doing a speech, anxiety about a test, feeling overwhelmed etc.

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”

Gail Devers

Wishing you lots of happiness and success in 2016.

Keep tapping
Louise

Merry Christmas 2015

 

Christmas Tree
Merry Christmas 2015

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas 2015. I hope that you have a wonderful, peaceful Christmas with your family and friends.

Remember that you can tap if it all gets too much for you. Just find a quiet spot for 5 minutes and tap on anything that is upsetting or overwhelming you.

I recommend daily tapping anyway to keep your energy flowing and to ensure your emotions are balanced.

Love and blessings,
Louise